That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
