Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
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my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
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Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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