Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
