I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Small penises have feelings too.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
