just come out here and I will go home with you...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
