is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
