got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
