saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
