how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
