yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
