im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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