There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize