i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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