Quick, to the slutcave!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
