What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
