I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
