i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
