i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
