My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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