It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes