There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
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Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'