Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?