afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week