bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."