oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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