CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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