There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
