i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
