Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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