Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
