I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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