pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This house was built for laser tag.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
