i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
