come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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