just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
