I can text with my tongue
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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