he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
