Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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