friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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