note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
