driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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