you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
