And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
