Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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