just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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