Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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