It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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