My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
