puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
