was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize