Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.