I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.