a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.