I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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