I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...