once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
