i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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