there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
