bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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