Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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