remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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