if you like me you must not know who I am
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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