im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
