Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
