I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
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So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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