Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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