Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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