And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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