It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You are a genius and a whore.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
