She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
