new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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