Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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