He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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