Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
