I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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