Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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