At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize