So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We left the knife in your bed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wear drunk well.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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