when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
