I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
