You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He kissed a someone with a penis
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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