We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
