Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
