let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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