if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
