Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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