Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
