Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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