Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We have so much sex to catch up on
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
