this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
