I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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