I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize