apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
