I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
