i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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