omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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